Gendered Plants

A few days back, editing the blog I posted about the irises in my garden here, it suddenly occurred to me that I think of, and refer to, most plants as having a gender.  "He" or "she" become my pronouns of choice when I'm not using the plant's real name.  Rarely, if ever, do I use "it" to refer to the plant under discussion.

So the big question is, WHY?  Why do I do that?  Am I just really that much of a great big gardening wierdo, or do other gardeners subconsciously apply a gender to most plants?


If I accept that I haven't ventured alone out into Spookyville, the next huge question becomes, HOW?  How do I decide on the gender of a particular specimen?  I've given it some thought over the past few hours and I can't find any sure pattern to my gender nomification.  (Now I'm really scared because I thought I just made up the word "nomification," but apparently it has roots in philosophic discussions of reason.  It means "the assumption that because it has a name, or that because you can give it one, it has actual existence."  So, because I consider a plant female, is it then female?).

'Heritage', male or female?

I don't believe that I'm responding just to flower color, but that is probably a big part of the picture. It is true that I consider most darker or brashly-colored flowers to be male and the pale yellows/pinks/pastels female.  Is the fact that I use "he" to describe the purple and white iris 'Rare Edition' and "she" to describe iris 'Lemon Pop' merely a byproduct of my cultural upbringing and biases, just as the nurseries for my daughter and son were painted pink and pale blue, respectively?  Rosa 'Madame Hardy,' who is white, refined, nicely scented, and delicate, is undoubtedly female in my mind, as is the more modern white hybrid tea rose 'Honor'.  Does that make 'John F. Kennedy', another white hybrid tea, a transvestite?  Maybe not, because grandiflora 'White Lighting' is certainly male in my mind.  Some of my color bias transmits to other species because purple clematis 'Jackmanii' is undoubtedly male, while white 'Guernsey Cream' is undoubtedly female.  Lilac 'Wonderblue' is male while 'Nadezhda' is female.  As I think of roses, I'm pretty sure that David Austin is guilty of my gender-assignment transgressions because most all of his dark roses have male names while the apricots and pastels have names like 'Lady Emma Hamilton' and 'Mary Rose'.  The one exception that comes to mind, 'The Dark Lady', just applies a smoking-hot Senorita persona to a dark red rose and that makes it okay.

What of non-flowering, or inconsequentially-flowering plants?  Boxwoods and junipers are mostly males to me, as are yews and hollies (whether it is Ilex 'Blue Girl' or 'China Boy').    Cornus stolinifera is male, while Cornus alba 'Ivory Halo' is female.  And what about trees?  Cottonwoods are female, I think, while Maples are primarily males.  Sycamore trees and Burr Oaks are very masculine, while Pecan trees are female.  Here's a good one; Purple Smoke Bush (Cotinus coggygria ‘Purple Fringe’) is male, while yellow Cotinus coggygria ‘Ancot’ is female to me.  I've lost my senses, haven't I?

It's certainly not just the name of the cultivar. Turning back to roses,  'Earth Song', a fuschia Buck rose, is a male to me (shouldn't it be female...i.e. Mother Earth?).  But I view 'Carefree Beauty', a softer pink Buck rose, as a female as you would expect.  'Prairie Star', a gender-neutral name of a soft-blush rose, is undoubtedly female.  Here's a test for you:  What is the Bourbon rose  'Variegata di Bologna'?  Male, right?   Am I okay with accepting magenta 'Mme. Issac Pierre' as a female or do I really, deeply, think of the Mme to be Mmmmmmm Issac Pierre" in my Midwestern drawl, and so she's a "he" deep in my mind, a deep magenta named as a man while I ignore the Mme. prefix?  Bright red 'Olympiad' is definitely male and in a like vein,  the same bright-red tones of 'Linda Campbell' make that stiff rugosa cross a male in my mind as well, despite the honor of being named after a prominent female rosarian.

I hate to bring Freud into the discussion, but how much of my bias is dictated by flower form?  I'm admittedly biased that obviously phallic daylilies, knipofia, and globe alliums are predominately male, although I think of many pink daylilies, such as 'Attribution' as female.  Purple daylilies like 'Night Embers'and even brash oranges like 'Kwansi' are just as surely male.   Mushrooms are male, and asparagus is male.  Pumpkins and watermelons and grapes are female.  Oriental lilies are female.  Period. Anybody surprised?

Well, now that I've exposed my floral-related gender biases, I'm sure that I'm going to find other gardeners whispering around behind my back at meetings.  But before you dismiss me as a Garden-variety Gender Offender, please take a moment and consider.  Did you disagree with my assigned genders for any of the plants named above?  Did you?

Lilac Weeks

Lilac 'Annabel'

It has been lilac time for about 3 weeks total around the place, with the 7 lilacs that surround my garage pad scenting the air now through the entire garden and other more peripheral lilacs in the garden starting to add  their fragrance.  I take full advantage of the lilac tolerance for the alkaline Flint Hills soil and the blistering Kansas winds.  My lilac year really began a few weeks back with soft-pink Annabel, a S. hyacinthiflora hybrid right next to the steps leading out to the back.  'Annabel' is very lady-like in form and never suckers. 

 

 Lilac 'Maiden's Blush'



The main flush of lilacs then follows, with my S. hyacinthiflora that isn't, 'Maiden's Blush' next. 'Maiden's Blush' should be a blush pink lilac, but looks closer to blue to my eyes, so I'm not sure that my bush was labeled correctly.  It has to be a hybrid of some sort, though, because it flowers much more delicately and prolifically than the species S. vulgaris next to it.

Lilac 'Sensation'

The Syringa vulgaris cultivars are next in line to bloom, with 'Nadezhda', picotee-form 'Sensation', 'Wonderblue', and, of course, 'Yankee Doodle' piping up in the mix.   The S. vulgaris types are all grouped into the "French" lilac category, and it for some reason tickles me that "French" and the species name vulgaris are tied together.  S. vulgaris is native to the Balkans, but the species became connected to the French by the breeder Victor Lemoine, whose over 100 cultivars from the late 1800's and early 1900's are known as  "French Lilacs".

 

Lilac 'Nadzehda'



Nadezhda' is a soft lilac-blue S. vulgaris bred in Russia. The name means "Hope," presumably in Russian or some dialect.  He was bred by Leonid Alekseevitch Kolesnikov, a WWII veteran in the years after the war, supposedly the best of the seedlings from this man who only wanted Moscow to be a peaceful city with streets decorated by lilacs.  'Nadezhda' is very hardy and disease resistant.

Lilac 'Wonderblue'

Soft powder-blue 'Wonderblue', also known as 'Little Boy Blue' is reputed to be the bluest of the lilacs and it certainly is in my garden.  Although it is hard for me to rate the intensity of scent of lilacs, since most of them overwhelm my nose, I'd have to say that 'Wonderblue' is also the strongest and sweetest scented of all my lilacs. I believe 'Wonderblue' has become my favorite.



 



  

Syringa vulgaris 'Yankee Doodle' is one of the darkest purples of all Lilacs and he shares the royal lineage of lilacs bred by Father John Fiala.  Fiala was an eminent scholar and plant breeder who produced a number of lilacs and crabapples and who literally wrote the encyclopedia on both species (Lilacs: The Genus Syringa and Flowering Crabapples: The Genus Malus were both authored by Fiala).  Unfortunately, be forewarned, if you google "Father John Fiala," you have to get past the news stories of a recent Catholic priest of that name who has been accused of rape and other indecencies.  'Yankee Doodle' has single florets of strong substance that persist a long time in the garden, particularly in the Kansas winds.

  

Lilac 'Josee'

Although I have a couple yet to bloom at all, including hybrid lilac 'Tinkerbelle', bringing up the rear right now is the first repeat-blooming lilac 'Josee', a three-way dwarf hybrid of S. meyeri, S. patula, and S. microphylla.  Unfortunately, pale-pink 'Josee', while beautiful, does not really rebloom in my garden.  Yes, you will see a few smaller florets pop up here and there throughout the summer, but they are sporadic and incidental in terms of garden impact, only good to allow the wistful gardener a chance to occasionally sample the scent of April in August.  I suppose that should be reward enough for growing her, but the gardener is ever demanding of his plants.

Trophy Weeding

A posting by Carol on here May Dreams Gardens blog here, suggesting that a dandelion she had pulled was at least a 4-pointer, got me to thinking that gardeners everywhere need a common scoring system to rate their weeding efforts.  After all, the Boone and Crockett Club has been scoring trophy bucks for decades, allowing armed vicious meat-hunters everywhere to compare and brag about the size of their.....uhmmm...antlers, so why shouldn't gardeners be able to compare their weed slaughter from region to region?  Think of the possibilities:  trophy presentations at monthly garden meetings and at national floral shows; record-winning specimens dry-mounted for home or office display; income-potential for gardeners selling weeding rights to prime weed growth areas; competitive teams of weeders vieing for world championships;  professional weeders with big money contracts for advertising endorsements of horticultural products.

Since I claim credit for the full-conception of the idea, I also feel responsible for creating the rating system for measurement.  I would therefore propose the following as the ProfessorRoush Official Weed Demise (PROWD) scoring system for domestic horticultural invaders:
 
A.  # of individual flowers/ flower buds on the weed at the time of soil extrication.
 
B.  Length of the longest point of the root system from soil level to tip, in centimeters.

C.  Overall mass of the weed (soil removed by washing) in avoirdupois ounces (28 grams/ounce).

D. Relative adverse environmental conditions during weed collection awarded from 0-10 points, with recent rain and 70F conditions scoring 0 and dry soil and 110F ambient temperatures receiving a score of 10.  If the gardener is actually dehydrated or suffering sunstroke at the time of weeding, a bonus of 5 points may be added.  If the gardener is actually hospitalized after collection, an additional bonus of 5 points is awarded.

E.  Relative removal completeness, scored on a scale of 0-10 points, with full roots and no breakage receiving a 10 score.  Subtract 2 points for ripping off a tap-rooted specimen at ground level.

F.  Use of mechanical devices for assistance are scored from 0-5 points with (-3) points awarded for rototillers and 5 points awarded if the weed was pulled bare-handed.  A ten-point bonus is awarded if pulled bare-handed and the weed causes contact dermatitis or has thorns.  Another ten-point bonus may be awarded if the weed was gathered in close proximity to a fire-ant nest or bumble-bee colony and the gardener was bitten or stung.

The guidelines above should be sufficient to establish records for individual species trophies. However, for comparison between species, the following category should also be assessed:

G. Relative invasiveness or reproductive potential of the species from 0-10 points, with government-recognized invasive species scoring 10, kudzu 25, Chameleon Plant (Houttuynia cordata) 50 and the common dayflower (Commelina communis) rating 100 points. Zero points are awarded for pulling up Lamb's Quarters during a rainstorm.

The competing gardener should note that careful attention to certain details during weed collection may increase total scores. Therefore, it is advisable to attempt to inflate scores by delaying the actual weed collection until the gardener is actually suffering delirium and muscle cramps, but such acts must be officially witnessed and attested to by a friend or spouse who told the gardener repeatedly what idiots they were. 

So, that's it, the ProfessorRoush Official Weed Demise (PROWD) scoring system.  On that scale, the above pictured dandelion collected on 4/22/11 would score 6+27+9+2+10+5= 59 PROWD points, presently a world record dandelion since it is also the only one entered in the official record book.

Additionally, since ProfessorRoush recognizes the deep competitiveness rampant among gardeners that leads some of them to acts of espionage and sabotage at Rose Exhibitions and Dahlia Shows, any claim for a record-setting specimen is disqualified if the gardener has made any attempt to fertilize or use growth stimulants on an individual weed, or to selectively breed weeds for size and invasiveness. Don't bother to deny it, I know some of you out there were already contemplating how to improve your entries.

April Iris

Iris 'Rare Edition'

I was excited last night to see the first of my bearded irises blooming.  During my nightly walk around the garden, I spotted a single purple and white bloom shining up from near the growing peony foliage.  Irises really aren't my thing and I have trouble telling many of them apart since I've never really studied them, but I enjoy the color they add to the garden and I've come to appreciate both their bloom season and the nice fragrance many varieties have.  And the fact that they herald the rose season.

 'Rare Edition' is a purple-white Intermediate bearded iris that has always been the earliest of the irises in my garden (not including, of course, the Siberians).  He was hybridized in 1980 by  J. Gatty and stands about 18-20 inches tall in my garden.    

Iris 'Lemon Pop'

There may have been a single bloom yesterday evening, but the iris season isn't wasting any time.   By today, last night's single bloom has turned into a clump sprouting a number of blooms and another clump of 'Rare Edition' is blooming across the garden.  And another early Intermediate iris, 'Lemon Pop' has popped up a couple of blooms on its own.  'Lemon Pop' was a 1989 breeding effort by Lauer and this little shorty (16 inches tall) is scented with the sweetness of heaven.

By next week, the place is going to be packed with irises.  And soon after, the roses will strike and I'll be a happy gardener again.