Russell's Brand of Gardening

This isn't the blog I had planned for today, nor is anyone likely to stumble across this blog by combining a search for "Russell Brand" and "gardening," but a news headline today, "Russell Brand: Katy Perry helped me swap sex for gardening" caught my eye.  I simply find that I can't refrain from commenting on it, especially since I don't know how long the link will last before people believe I just made it up.

Please allow me to state unequivocally that I'm not a Russell Brand fan, in fact I've never seen a single movie or comedy act by him. I've glanced at his autobiography in a bookstore, but never purchased or read it.  I  barely know who the man is, although I will admit the previews for the upcoming move "Arthur" look interesting. My tastes in humor run towards the extremely dry genera and I've never found the British slapstick, ribald comedy types very funny.

But Russell has been quoted recently that his sex life has decreased significantly since marrying Katy Perry (another celebrity of whom I have only a vague knowledge), compared to that during his single life, and that he's become "a bloody good gardener."  Those quotes will evidently be expounded on in a Piers Morgan interview yet to be aired.

To quote Bruce Willis in the first Die Hard movie, "Welcome to the party, pal."

If I could speak directly to Russell, I'd say that I understand, even though I'm almost an old man (but not yet dead), that trading a 20-a-week sex life for gardening may be disappointing to you, Russell, but perhaps your new wife might be more willing to help you control your rampant wild oats if you talked less dirt, particularly about her abetting the improvement in your personal gardening time.  And  while trying hard not to play the typical male "who has the bigger green thumb" game, I would also be careful to point out to Russell that I, myself, am only a moderately good gardener due to other demands on my time.

It is not surprising to me that gardening is Russell's alternative to sex.  Gardens certainly share the juxtaposition of alternating relaxing and strenuous activities of the latter.  Both have their peaceful, serene and beautiful moments, and both are at times messy, wet, and noisy.  Both have their enjoyable aspects whether performed outside on sunny afternoons or inside on rainy Sundays.  Both occasionally lead to strained muscles and can increase the incidence of heart attacks in old men engaged in the activity.  They only differ in that one may lead to a delightful,soul-restful experience while the other can possibly result in teenagers. 

There was one useful aspect to the inappropriate Russell Brand quote.  Someone named "Fluffy Flowers" commented to the article that if you listened to Dave and Jon's Gardening Calendar podcasts you could have both (sex and gardening).  I've only listened to one, episode #10, but I'm definitely downloading  the rest to listen to while I...err...garden.   

Premonition of Peonies

Paeonia tenuifolia budding

In the past few days I noticed that my brave peonies had decided it was time to stick their noses up above the ground.  Every year, I find myself anxiously awaiting the appearance of these delicate stalks and happy to see them pop up and slowly unfurl.  I still sometimes find it amazing that these few buds will cover the area of a bushel basket in a mere month or so, and I find it still more miraculous as the enormous fat buds swell larger than these stems ever dreamed of being.

Herbaceous peony sprouts

No plant that I grow can beat the peony for low maintenance care here on the prairie.  They ask only to be mowed off in the Fall and tossed a little fertilizer each Spring.  A little fertilizer goes a long way in fact, and this year I'm going to try a little organic compost on each peony instead of my usual handful of high-calorie lawn fertilizer in an effort to try and keep them a bit more compact. Watering, deadheading, pruning, insecticides, and fungicides are not ever on the menu for herbaceous peonies in Kansas.  The largest varieties might ask for a little stem support during their bloom periods, but I just plant them close and make them shoulder up against each other for support during the Kansas winds and storms. 

 





05/25/2010 in my peony bed

Despite the recent cold and the rain and possible snow predicted this weekend, peonies are the one early plant that I never, ever worry will sustain frost damage or freeze back.  I used to cover these early buds with blankets and milk jugs, but after a few years, I decided that this "lower" life form has a far better grasp of when their time has come than I do.  Principally, the disastrous snow and freezes of mid-April in 2007 provided the evidence to me.  In that rare year, when the lilac blooms froze on the stems, the daylilies were frost-bitten, and the fruit trees dropped their buds, the peonies simply smiled at the freak cold and perked right back up when the weather warmed.   Not for nothing do peonies dot the oldest gravestones in comfortable ancient graveyards and are often the sole survivors at old abandoned homesites. They are, it seems, the wisest of the wise.

Life Inside the Windows

Ignoring for a moment that we've got about 1/2 inch of snow on the ground outside this morning after the weatherman predicted last night that nothing would stick....I still have hope that Spring is coming soon.

Anybody care to guess what the prairie-based (hint) Garden Muser is growing ahead for planting?  I'm not a great plantsperson for growing seeds under lights, but I think these have a slight chance of making it till last frost.  Each row is a different seed.  I'll provide a left-to-right listing of the cultivars in a few days.

There are also a few other surprises for my landscape sprinkled behind the windows. These are some Hyacinth Bean Vines (Dolichos lablab) that I planted in peat pots and enclosed in a plastic bag a couple of weeks ago.  They're just getting window sun, no artificial light, but they seem to be ready to sprout for the sky.  One of my fellow EMG's provided the seed last fall and I'm putting them on one side of a naked pergola to climb on this summer.  The other side, as mentioned in a previous post, will be a Passion Flower vine.  I plan to let them fight out who controls the center of the pergola.