Russell's Brand of Gardening

This isn't the blog I had planned for today, nor is anyone likely to stumble across this blog by combining a search for "Russell Brand" and "gardening," but a news headline today, "Russell Brand: Katy Perry helped me swap sex for gardening" caught my eye.  I simply find that I can't refrain from commenting on it, especially since I don't know how long the link will last before people believe I just made it up.

Please allow me to state unequivocally that I'm not a Russell Brand fan, in fact I've never seen a single movie or comedy act by him. I've glanced at his autobiography in a bookstore, but never purchased or read it.  I  barely know who the man is, although I will admit the previews for the upcoming move "Arthur" look interesting. My tastes in humor run towards the extremely dry genera and I've never found the British slapstick, ribald comedy types very funny.

But Russell has been quoted recently that his sex life has decreased significantly since marrying Katy Perry (another celebrity of whom I have only a vague knowledge), compared to that during his single life, and that he's become "a bloody good gardener."  Those quotes will evidently be expounded on in a Piers Morgan interview yet to be aired.

To quote Bruce Willis in the first Die Hard movie, "Welcome to the party, pal."

If I could speak directly to Russell, I'd say that I understand, even though I'm almost an old man (but not yet dead), that trading a 20-a-week sex life for gardening may be disappointing to you, Russell, but perhaps your new wife might be more willing to help you control your rampant wild oats if you talked less dirt, particularly about her abetting the improvement in your personal gardening time.  And  while trying hard not to play the typical male "who has the bigger green thumb" game, I would also be careful to point out to Russell that I, myself, am only a moderately good gardener due to other demands on my time.

It is not surprising to me that gardening is Russell's alternative to sex.  Gardens certainly share the juxtaposition of alternating relaxing and strenuous activities of the latter.  Both have their peaceful, serene and beautiful moments, and both are at times messy, wet, and noisy.  Both have their enjoyable aspects whether performed outside on sunny afternoons or inside on rainy Sundays.  Both occasionally lead to strained muscles and can increase the incidence of heart attacks in old men engaged in the activity.  They only differ in that one may lead to a delightful,soul-restful experience while the other can possibly result in teenagers. 

There was one useful aspect to the inappropriate Russell Brand quote.  Someone named "Fluffy Flowers" commented to the article that if you listened to Dave and Jon's Gardening Calendar podcasts you could have both (sex and gardening).  I've only listened to one, episode #10, but I'm definitely downloading  the rest to listen to while I...err...garden.